Is Your Fear Of Success Holding You Back?
Posted on 12. Nov, 2009 by Matt Shelly in Career Connection
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By Todd Bavol, The Job Search Ninja.
CEO, Integrity Career Transitions
Fear of success – it sounds like a contradiction in terms, but for many people it is not only a very real issue, but also one which can hold them back every bit as effectively as the fear of failure.
During the course of our lives, we all have the opportunity to experience failure, and so, to some degree, we learn to handle it. As long as it is not so totally and utterly devastating, we learn to take something from the experience, to pick ourselves up and to manage the change that it inevitably leads to. Each time we fail, we create another reference point in the past that we can relate to. We know we survived all those other times, and so potentially we can survive this time too.
Like failure, success also creates change, but in many cases it is the kind of change that we have never experienced and for which we have no point of reference. Take the example of women who have been perpetually overweight – I say women specifically because in some ways they struggle more with the idea of success than men. While they may have a desperate desire to lose weight and get into shape, in many cases they are afraid that if they do, they will become more attractive to the opposite sex. Why should that be a problem? Because they could find themselves in foreign territory, faced with situations that they have never had to deal with before and do not know how to handle, which could in turn place a strain on their existing relationships. Although staying at their existing weight may be self-defeating in many ways, it feels safer simply because it keeps them within the realms of the ‘known’.
When we consider our careers, often this same principle applies. We are afraid to shoot for the moon because if we hit our target we risk the envy of others or fear that we will in some way outgrow our partners and our friends and be forced to leave them behind. As strange as it might sound, we also do not want to be faced with the regret of not having created success sooner and having wasted so much of our lives. Instead of aiming for the heights, therefore, we either limit ourselves to what we know to be easily achievable, or we sabotage ourselves through procrastination or negative thoughts. We might even talk about our big ideas, but then never do anything about them.
We have all heard the stories about the lottery winners whose lives fell apart when they suddenly found themselves to be richer than they could ever have imagined, but in reality, most of the successes that we achieve in life do not happen overnight. They are created over time and often through persistent and deliberate action, during the course of which we, and those around us, have time to adjust and to learn and to develop.
Of course, I am not necessarily talking about success in terms of money here. For you, success may be about creating a life with less stress or more time to do the things you really want to be doing. Whatever your ideal, don’t fear it, but grow into it one day at a time. If the people around you are worth having in your life, they too will want you to achieve your goals and they will be there regardless of your circumstances. Life is no dress rehearsal so go on, shoot for what you know in your heart of hearts will make you happy.
For information about career products and services, visit www.integritycareertransitions.com. You can also follow The Job Search Ninja on twitter at, www.twitter.com/jobsearchninja, for great career advice.
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