| For the last year, I've had a "Hello, my name is:" badge pinned to the board over my desk. I kept it because I used it to write down something said to me by someone I met at one of JobCircle's Pink Slip Parties. It says:
People join great companies but they leave crappy supervisors
So true. And unfortunately, so common. These days, a lot of people have to grit their teeth and struggle in ugly situations because the job market is so tight. As soon as demand picks up again, most of them will try to escape as fast as they can. But until then, what can you do if you're living in this particular form of hell?
Evaluate the Situation, Part One
Just what is it that makes your boss so bad through your eyes? Does he criticize you constantly? Is she impossible to please? Does he change your priorities every two hours?
Make a list of all the things your supervisor does that drive you nuts. Be sure that you only include those behaviors or actions that impact you personally. Throwing in your co-workers' experiences isn't part of this list (it comes later.) Now, take a critical look at it and be honest....How many of the items may be justified, given your work habits?
Do you volunteer for more than you can handle? Inflate your capabilities? Snipe at your colleagues or undermine them? Suck up to execs? Grab for glory? Of course not.
But are you a reliable team member? Do you meet the deadlines you accept as reasonable (not the ridiculous, unilaterally-imposed ones) and accomplish your tasks completely? Or do you need a lot of handholding or babysitting to get things done? Do you go the extra mile without prompting? Or do you do the bare minimum and then make your boss catch you for the next assignment?
Most companies are running the leanest, meanest operations they can. And that means additional demands on everyone. Odds are, your supervisor (no matter what level) is facing incredible pressure to produce with minimal resources. Remember that slogan from the 60's - if you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem. Overwork and impossible deadlines notwithstanding, everyone needs to step up.
But, if you are trying to be the model employee and your boss is still all over your case, another look is in order.
Evaluate the Situation, Part Two
Now's the time to look beyond your own personal situation. Feel free to listen to gossip and sad stories, but use your own powers of surveillance as well. Observed actions count way more than hearsay. Does your boss treat all of the people (s)he supervises in the same way? Some of them? Or is it just you?
How do other supervisors in the company act towards their subordinates? Does it seem like abuse is the standard behavior? Take a good look at the way your boss's supervisor behaves. Is there a pattern of insufferable behavior throughout all levels of the organization? Is your boss just modeling what he/she sees?
I once worked for a consulting firm where the CEO would regularly call the members of a project team together so he could publicly smack down the project manager. First he'd tear that unfortunate person apart, and then he'd start in on the account manager. The team members would sit there in horrified silence. He never had to single any of us out, because we were sufficiently terrorized by proxy. Plus, I don't think he ever bothered to learn any of our names. It shouldn't have been much of a surprise that the annual turnover rate exceeded 65%.
There are companies which support - even encourage - a bully culture. If you are in this situation, I urge you to get out as fast as you can. This is no different than being in an abusive personal relationship. I respect the fact that continuity of income is an issue, but the longer you stay in this kind of environment, the harder it gets to leave. Over time, your self-confidence and strength will erode, which just encourages the abuser to continue. In the short run, your career may step back, but in the long term, you'll save yourself.
Plan for Action
Assuming you're only dealing with a bad boss, and not a bad company, the best thing to do is create a plan for improving your situation. Using the list you created, identify the three most difficult/irritating/awful things your boss does. Come up with 2-3 recent examples of this conduct and explain how it impacted your ability to do the best job that you can. Suggest an alternative action that, from your perspective, would have been a more effective way for your boss to communicate what she/he wanted.
Write it all down. Let it sit for a day or two, and then review it again. Does it seem harsh? Sarcastic? Arrogant? If it does, dial it back. If it seems okay, find an uninvolved party (not a co-worker, spouse or best friend) to look it over. Consider carefully any suggested changes. When you're comfortable with the content and tone of your document, request an appointment with your supervisor to discuss your concerns.
It should be a formal meeting, complete with short agenda. You should explain why you're asking to have the discussion and give your boss a copy of your document a day or two before the meeting date. At the time of the meeting, you should calmly and concisely outline your points again. Your point is that you want to find ways to work together more effectively, so your suggestions for an alternative way of interacting are a starting point for respectful problem solving.
Under no circumstances can you let yourself get out of control and challenge your boss to his/her face. You must keep your emotions in check so you can concentrate on facts and solutions, not recriminations. If you don't think you can do this, skip down to the next section and skip the meeting with your boss. But if you can, you gain a valuable opportunity to improve your relationship.
Assuming that your boss is a reasonable adult, (s)he will take advantage of the occasion to discuss matters rationally. It's the chance for both of you to present concerns, examine possible responses and agree on mutually acceptable conduct in the future. It can be the beginning of a beautiful friendship, as Bogart said in Casablanca.
Plan for Reaction
Or not, if your boss isn't a reasonable adult. Only you can judge this. If it's your estimation that your boss won't react appropriately to the rational approach, you'll have to take a slightly different course.
Follow my advice up until the point of setting a meeting up with your boss. Instead, set the meeting up with someone in the company's Human Resources Department. Bring your document with you and explain the situation. Be sure to document the behaviors about which you're complaining, including dates, times, witnesses, etc. Ask for help in improving the situation with your boss and cooperate fully with HR by following all instructions. Keep in close touch with HR and keep excellent records of ongoing problems with your boss.
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Do: |
Don't: |
| The best job that you can do |
Whine/complain/brag to coworkers |
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Act professionally at all times
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Expect everything to magically improve
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Prepare yourself for the possibility of all of this backfiring |
Go around/above your boss to his/her supervisor
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Exit Strategy
It's a good idea to have one, since you may very well need it. I wish there were some foolproof interventions I could suggest to turn a bad boss into a good one. The truth is that the fact of moving into management can give people an inalienable belief in their own supervisory capabilities. There's hope for the misguided or confused boss, but very little for the stupid or cruel one. Be sure about what you have before you act.
If it's the former, work hard to improve the situation. If it's the latter, keep your resume up to date, put your energy into developing your network and follow all the other advice I give monthly about job search techniques so you'll be ready to move when the market changes.
More
If you decide that the only viable way to deal with your bad boss is leaving, you'll soon face a second problem. How do you deal with the question about why you want to leave without trashing your current position? Next month, Putting a Positive Spin on a Negative Situation. Got one of your own? Write to me at Jamie@jobcircle.com.
Enjoy this article? Read more of JobCircle.com's Career Coach articles.
Jamie Fabian spent more than 15 years as a human resources executive before changing careers to become a senior project manager for a growing IT consulting company. Now in management consulting for a large Pharma company, Jamie would like to be seen as a hybrid of Tom Peters, Tom Jackson, and Tom Wolfe, but spends too much time working, driving carpool and watching mindless TV to write more than this column. You can contact Jamie with questions and comments at jamie@jobcircle.com.
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